My Husband Has A Low Sex Drive

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My Husband Has A Low Sex Drive

by Barbara
(Brighton, MA)

My sexual health problem: I'm a married woman with 3 children. My husband is a very good person and father but has never had much interest in sex.

I've always been the one who has to put an initiative into that, and lately our sex life became not existence. We talked to a doctor who said that nothing is wrong with my husband; he just simply has low sex drive. I'm sick and tired of pretending to be satisfied.

Is it the reason to leave him despite the fact my children adore him and otherwise our relationship is good? Should I consider myself numb or dead? Recently I started to look into relationships for married people and was shocked at how many people have problem with marital sex and can't just leave.

It's amazing how many people want a spark back to their life. Are all of them liars or we're trying to please spouses, children, live under obligations and pretend to be happy and satisfied? Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this

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My Husband Has A Low Sex Drive

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Venting
by: Anonymous

I have been married to a wonderful man for 21 years. For all but the last 2 months, sex with my husband has been wonderful, adventurous and fulfilling. For the past month, stress from every side has increased with finances, work and family issues. Instead of working on these problems in a husband/wife partnership, my husband began ridiculing me, siding with our teenage children in every matter.

Then sex decreased in frequency. Then he stopped talking to me and doing our usual activities, such as our evening walk together as a couple. Then sex stopped altogether, along with all forms of affection.

Finally, he became downright mean and rude to me, treating me like a pariah. During this downhill slide, at first I tried to have a sense of humor and ignore the slights, then finally confronted him about what was going on -- I figured an open, honest discussion was the best possible solution. Trouble is, he says he doesn't know what's going on with him.

He has since started treating me with respect again, but shows me absolutely no affection or love, neither by words or actions, and we have basically become roommates. He says he is committed to our marriage, but I don't understand how he can commit to a relationship he obviously doesn't wish to sustain. We are going for marriage counseling, but I have a feeling he is suffering from depression and needs personal counseling + meds.

I am so sad and lonely, but try not to show it because that just drives him further away. The only change I've made in all this time is that I stopped buying him beer...come to think of it, about 4-6 weeks ago...because I disliked the fact that I was enabling my husband to stay drunk every Friday and Saturday night, since he doesn't know when to stop.

He's not a mean drunk, just becomes a sad, sodden, useless lump who can't walk or talk and is a terrible example to our sons. He has since started buying his own beer, since he won't go without. It's heartbreaking to think there's a possibility my husband loves his beer more than he loves me.

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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I have been married to a wonderful man for 21 years. For all but the last 2 months, sex with my husband has been wonderful, adventurous and fulfilling. For the past month, stress from every side has increased with finances, work and family issues. Instead of working on these problems in a husband/wife partnership, my husband began ridiculing me, siding with our teenage children in every matter. Then sex decreased in frequency. Then he stopped talking to me and doing our usual activities, such as our evening walk together as a couple. Then sex stopped altogether, along with all forms of affection. Finally, he became downright mean and rude to me, treating me like a pariah. During this downhill slide, at first I tried to have a sense of humor and ignore the slights, then finally confronted him about what was going on -- I figured an open, honest discussion was the best possible solution. Trouble is, he says he doesn't know what's going on with him. He has since started treating me with respect again, but shows me absolutely no affection or love, neither by words or actions, and we have basically become roommates. He says he is committed to our marriage, but I don't understand how he can commit to a relationship he obviously doesn't wish to sustain. We are going for marriage counseling, but I have a feeling he is suffering from depression and needs personal counseling + meds. I am so sad and lonely, but try not to show it because that just drives him further away. The only change I've made in all this time is that I stopped buying him beer...come to think of it, about 4-6 weeks ago...because I disliked the fact that I was enabling my husband to stay drunk every Friday and Saturday night, since he doesn't know when to stop. He's not a mean drunk, just becomes a sad, sodden, useless lump who can't walk or talk and is a terrible example to our sons. He has since started buying his own beer, since he won't go without. It's heartbreaking to think there's a possibility my husband loves his beer more than he loves me.

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My HIgh & His Low Sex Drive
by: Anonymous

I seem to think I am abnormal as I have a high sex drive, yet my hubby whom I absolutely adore, has an extremely low one. We may have sex 1 to 2 times a month. I have started refusing to go down on him, as then we might have sex 1 time a month, and he hasn't gone down on me in, ohh I can remember how long.

When we first got together we had an absolutely wonderful sex life, but after I moved out of the place I was sharing with my roommate and into my own place it dropped off dramatically. So I don't think it something medical as nothing changed during that time.

He doesn't want me to initiate as that "pressures" him and he has a harder time "performing", but then he gets irritated because I don't initiate more often. I can't win for losing. He loves to tease and get me aroused and doesn't understand when I shy away from his touch.

It is too painful to be aroused with no follow thru for who knows how long.

He says he thinks I'm sexy and he finds me attractive, but does he really? I love being intimate with him, but I am wondering if it is really worth it, as intercourse usually lasts less than a minute as his stamina is non existent. He knows this and we have discussed needing to have more sex to try to increase his stamina, but with his disinterest in sex, well you can see where that is going.

I am lost, I don't want to be "petty" and make sex the whole basis of our marriage, but as the same time I need something more. Any ideas??? Oh and we have tried Viagra it just turned his vision blue.

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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I seem to think I am abnormal as I have a high sex drive, yet my hubby whom I absolutely adore, has an extremely low one. We may have sex 1 to 2 times a month. I have started refusing to go down on him, as then we might have sex 1 time a month, and he hasn't gone down on me in, ohh I can remember how long. When we first got together we had an absolutely wonderful sex life, but after I moved out of the place I was sharing with my roommate and into my own place it dropped off dramatically. So I don't think it something medical as nothing changed during that time. He doesn't want me to initiate as that "pressures" him and he has a harder time "performing", but then he gets irritated because I don't initiate more often. I can't win for losing. He loves to tease and get me aroused and doesn't understand when I shy away from his touch. It is too painful to be aroused with no follow thru for who knows how long. He says he thinks I'm sexy and he finds me attractive, but does he really? I love being intimate with him, but I am wondering if it is really worth it, as intercourse usually lasts less than a minute as his stamina is non existent. He knows this and we have discussed needing to have more sex to try to increase his stamina, but with his disinterest in sex, well you can see where that is going. I am lost, I don't want to be "petty" and make sex the whole basis of our marriage, but as the same time I need something more. Any ideas??? Oh and we have tried Viagra it just turned his vision blue. <center><a href="http://www.womens-health-fitness.com/relationship">100 Sex Games For Couples<br>Click Here For More Information</a></center>

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Does it get better?
by: Anonymous

It is such a shame-I used to feel so sad when I was in that situation. I was with my partner for eleven years and for the last four we basically had a sexless relationship. I tried everything, talking to him, he went to the doctor, patience but nothing worked. He just didn't want it-I grew parnoid and insecure and I hated myself. I felt it must be my fault somehow-and then one day he turned around and said to me that the reason he did not want sex was because he had a problem with the fact I was abused as a child. He confirmed what I had always feared-that it was me he had the problem with. That was the point of no return for me. I finally asked him to leave and he did, two months ago. I am now going to work and minding my children, while trying to reassure myself that its ok, that this situation cannot be as bad as the one I was in and the only way is up.

Same Sexual Frustration In My Case
by: Anonymous

Same in my case, married for 7 years with 2 kids. For past one year I have been feeling its me who takes an initiative to start not him. I really feel dejected when he simply refuses.

Once it starts he satisfies me fully. But this wasn't the case before. He always took initiative. We used to do once a week but now even once a week he doesn't want to. He thinks I put him into pressure and I also don't want sex its just I want to do this as part of duty.

Its not so. He thinks I don't have an urge at all. Although he doesn't have the urge. Sometimes he fails to ejaculate and ends up masturbating but he hides that from me. I can't leave him as I have kids. But I'm utterly depressed.

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TALK TO A DOCTOR
by: Kallie

Don't give up's comment that no one has a low sex drive is just plain wrong. Many, many things can be responsible for low sex drives including high cholesterol, drug interactions, hormone imbalance etc. your husband needs to talk to his doctor directly and honestly

It is so important to talk to your husband no matter how painful it is and lay it out on the table, for example you may say "I want 5 minutes of kissing, 5 minutes of touching and 10 minutes of intercourse two times a week" I will give you what you want two times a week in exchange. Get over the idea of a romantic marriage.

Real adult marriages are based on commitment,respect, honesty and working together to build a stable financial base and raise a family (kids or dogs or whatever you have) Yes, you will feel like brother and sister some years, Yes you will be sick of each other some years but in the long run love will prevail with a worth that is beyond words.

That having been said, don't stay with an abusive husband that lies constantly; your mental and physical health might be on the line.

Also, some studies have found that 1 out of 4 men may have been molested as children. This may make having a healthy adult sex life difficult.

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Submitted by: Kallie

Title

Comment
Don't give up's comment that no one has a low sex drive is just plain wrong. Many, many things can be responsible for low sex drives including high cholesterol, drug interactions, hormone imbalance etc. your husband needs to talk to his doctor directly and honestly It is so important to talk to your husband no matter how painful it is and lay it out on the table, for example you may say "I want 5 minutes of kissing, 5 minutes of touching and 10 minutes of intercourse two times a week" I will give you what you want two times a week in exchange. Get over the idea of a romantic marriage. Real adult marriages are based on commitment,respect, honesty and working together to build a stable financial base and raise a family (kids or dogs or whatever you have) Yes, you will feel like brother and sister some years, Yes you will be sick of each other some years but in the long run love will prevail with a worth that is beyond words. That having been said, don't stay with an abusive husband that lies constantly; your mental and physical health might be on the line. Also, some studies have found that 1 out of 4 men may have been molested as children. This may make having a healthy adult sex life difficult. <center><a href="http://www.womens-health-fitness.com/relationship">1000 Questions For Couples<br>Click Here For More Information</a></center>

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People DO have low sex drives.
by: Anonymous

I have been with my boyfriend for over five years, we were close friends in high school and College. We started dating half way through college. He has a very low sex drive, he hasn't had sex with many people, not because he isn't attracted to them, He just has no sexual urge to go that final step.

He gets aroused and everything when we play, there just is no sex drive to go farther. He does very rarely actually get the urge to, its around like maybe twice a month, but its still there. He just simply has a low sex drive.

My husband says he doesnt think about sex!
by: Anonymous

Cory and I had been dating for 9 years and just got married Sept. 2007. Our sex life before we lived together was perfect. I don't understand once we started living together why there is little to no affection from him.

He said he does not want me to approach him for sex and so I don't. Now his excuse for not having sex is because he knows i am just sitting there waiting for him to have sex with me and that makes him feel pressured.

It's not like I am waiting naked on the bed when he gets home, although most men would love that. We have very separate lives not by my choice!!!! I don't know how much longer I handle this marriage anymore like the rest of the women. The hardest part is my husband works out all the time, I also do.

My point is I think he is totally in lust with himself and not me!

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Forever Lonely
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We dated for 8 years and have been married for 2. I noticed a sudden change in our sex life when we started living together after marriage.

I am so lonely because we live in a small apartment together but we have little to no contact with each other and being in such a small apartment make things worse for me. I desire him so much but he has said in the past he does not want me to approach him for affection, he would rather initiate any contact. I dont understand why he wanted to marry me if he really does not want any contact with me.

He wants to start a family next year but how can we do that when we never have sex, in addition I am going to be 40 next year and who know I probably can get pregnant anyway. I have thought about having an affair but really all I want is him but the need for male contact is so strong within myself.

low sex drive
by: Anonymous

My husband is the same way. When we do have sex it lasts for about 10 seconds. He really has no stamina and fast to orgasm. It drives me crazy to the point that I just don't want to have sex. We have been married for 10 years going on 11 amd he has always been this way. He is a great husband and otherwise I cannot complain. But I can say I cannot imagine growing old like this.

I know he is very attracted to me and I am sure that is the case with everyone who is experiencing this problem. It really does get old. I am at my wits end and ready to just say No more sex period. It just isn't worth it. well..good luck to all you ladies experiencing the same problem Maybe they will make a magic pill that will help him.

I have thought of having my husband go to the doctor and take some Viagra. Any feedback on that.

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This Is So Crazy!!!
by: Anonymous

Well are all you ladies ready for this one ???
I think i got all you beat. it has been 4 years and 4 months for me... help !!!!!!!

Sweet gay guy who wanted a family or low libido?
by: Anonymous

I definitely have the best husband and most loving father for our children that I could ever hope for, but our marriage is sexless.

It was great dating him for the 8 months we dated he was amazing in bed. He never wanted to go down on me and only went down on me once when he had been drinking and I asked him too. He was caught soliciting gay men on the internet years ago and so I just assumed he was bi-sexual and lost interest in women.

It has been years since that incident and he seem to have given that practice up. So I don't know if it's low libido or that he finds men more attractive. I love him with all my heart but when the kids are raised I don't know if we will last.

He allows himself to be dragged into counseling but he doesn't seem to want to change. It will be so hard to give up such a wonderful friend and I know I will never find this type of guy again. I know he loves me.

I just don't know how long I can go without sex. I was a virgin when I married him. So it's probably been easier for me than for other women. But it is still a bit of a downer.

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Low Sex Drives Do Exist!
by: Lynn

Unless you are a doctor, you don't know that low sex drive's don't exist. My husband is the same way, he said ever since he was a teen, he has never had much of a sex drive. Of course I didn't know this until after we started dating (and had already been in love since we were best friends for years before that).

I love my husband to death, but sometimes wonder if the lack of sex is going to kill our relationship. I want him to see a doctor to see what's wrong with him. Because I used to be very sexual, and don't have much of a drive myself these days, I'm tired of being the one to make a move.

I wish I could tell you what to do, but I'm in the same rut you are in.

I'm going to take my husband to the porn shop tomorrow and see if there's any toys that we can play with together.

but... Ii am a phone sex operator and talk to many guys who don't want to have sex with their wives because they are secretively gay or want to be a woman and dominated.... my husband hears these calls and says he's not like that, that he just has a low drive. but if you get the sense that he's doing one of those things, keep that in mind.

Don't give up
by: Anonymous

The newness is going to wear off no matter who it is. But I wouldn't give up your whole relationship, if the sex is the only thing that is the problem. And usually guys might have a low sex drive when they are in a rut, maybe he is not as attracted to you anymore.

Maybe you should both go to the gym or watch porn together, do whatever it takes. No one has low sex drive, they just get not interested anymore. Which causes the low sex drive.

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My Husband Has A Low Sex Drive

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My Husband Has A Low Sex Drive